Make a Decision to be Referable

One of the simplest, most powerful things you can do to positively influence your increasing referability is this:

Make a decision to be referable.

Once you begin taking action, you’ll start becoming aware of opportunities, resources, and people who help you move towards your goal.

And having made this decision, you may as well decide to really enjoy the process.

After all, it doesn’t cost any extra to be referable.

Having made the decision to be referable, what will you do today to develop your increasing referability?

Today decide to be referable!



What Now Time Is It?


Thomas Leonard said, “If you want a fantastic future, then focus on making the present precious.”  

I love that thought.   

Remember something in the past. Now, notice it’s just an idea in our minds called memory.  

Think about something that might occur in the future. Notice all this is happening now.

You’re thinking about the past and the future right now. Imagine a clock and every hour has the words NOW.

So what time is it now? It’s now.  

The present is all that really exists, but that’s OK, because that’s always where you are.

Stop for a minute and allow yourself to get in touch with this moment. Whenever you’ve accomplished anything, it’s in the present.

All of your moments of tremendous insight have also taken place in the present.

As you think of all the experiences of great pleasure and happiness you’ve had in your life, when they happen, it was now. Your mind and body always think it’s now, so it’s a good idea to get used to enjoying your present… now!


How The Mind Is Just Like A Snow Globe

When I sit in stillness, I can bring into awareness the feeling that each thought carries with it.


The four emotions of Joy (calm, peace, happy, bliss) Anger (upset, anxiety, rage) Sad (disappointment, apathy, shame) Fear (withdrawal, numb, terror) seem to capture the full range of possibility. In 2008, I was blessed to have a very special opportunity to work with Jack and Linda Pransky. They have a coaching company called Pransky & Associates in La Conner, Washington.


They teach the 3 principles of life. The origin of their work comes from a man named Sydney Banks. The three principles are:


1.  Universal Energy: Everything is energy. It cannot be destroyed, only transformed. We are all connected to this life force. It's what makes your heartbeat, your digestive system work, a tree grow, a river flow.


2.  Thought: Every human being has thought. They occur 24 hours a day, 7 days per week, non-stop. Constantly coming and going. The only thing that makes each one of us different is what we are thinking, but what is the same is that we are all using thought.


3.  Consciousness: This is the meaning we attach to our thinking. The job of consciousness is to make every thought we have, real. Each thought carries with it a feeling. The feeling falls into one of the 4 four categories: Joy, Anger, Fear or Sadness.


We can say that the higher your consciousness is, the higher percentage of your thoughts carry Joy, and lower your consciousness is, the more they carry Fear.


What I am learning more each day as I sit in stillness, is that my decision I make from a thought that carries Joy, the more the outcome of that decision brings me more joy.


The same is true for Anger, Fear and Sadness.


But the most valuable insight I have experienced is that when a thought appears that has a lower feeling, all I need to do is nothing.


I picture my mind like a snow globe: when lower consciousness thoughts appear, it's like the snow globe is being shaken, and the snow is flying everywhere. The only thing I can do to get the snow to settle is nothing. Just let it settle. I love that thought; it gives me an all new meaning to the words “This too shall pass.”


When You’re Done With This Simple And Fun Exercise You Will Be Infused With a New Level of Enthusiasm

The word “enthusiasm” comes from the Greek origin, which means “The God Within”. On a scale of 1 low and 10 high, what is your current level of enthusiasm for each of the 7 Essentials?

1.​Funday Monday. How enthusiastic are you about Funday Monday? 1 low, 10 high.

2.​The Most Special Day of the Year. How enthusiastic are you about The Most Special Day of the Year? 1 low, 10 high.

3.​Facebook from the Heart how enthusiastic are you? 1 low, 10 high.

4.​Your Client Centered Newsletter, 1 how, 10 high.

5.​Your Letter from the Heart, 1 low, 10 high.

6.​Your Referral Reminder Postcard 1 low, 10 high.

7.​ Your Business to Business Network. 1 low, 10 high.

Your feeling of enthusiasm will always be the result of an internal effort that you’ve made. Enthusiasm is something that is created through motion and movement, even if that movement is only in your spirit. It’s easy to prove to yourself that you could always do something to raise your enthusiasm.

Here, try this exercise: Take a clean sheet of paper, and on the top of the page, write down the name of the 7 Essential Strategies that you want to raise your level of enthusiasm for. Now, under the name of that Essential Seven Strategy, write these words “Five very small things I could do today to improve my enthusiasm for ..…” And then name the strategy.

Then, write down five very small things that you could do, and don’t get up until you’ve written five things. Force yourself right now to write down five things.

We’ve given you dozens of ideas for each of the seven essential strategies, so force yourself right now to write down five things.

Once you’ve written down those five things on that piece of paper, take that piece of paper with you throughout the whole day and don’t go to bed until they’re done. For example, you might’ve written down:

1.​Send a quote by private messenger to a very special person in my tribe.

2.​Post one referral reminder postcard on the wall of my Facebook page.

3.​Send one referral note card to one person who actually liked one of my posts.

4.​Write one meaningful comment on one person’s wall in my tribe.

5.​Call one person on the phone who likes a lot of the things that I post.

Remember, only write things that you will do today, little things. By the time you’re finished, you’ll notice that your enthusiasm level rises.

Do this each day for the next seven days with each of the 7 Essentials, just one essential per day for seven days, and you’ll start to see what Thomas Jefferson means when he said “The more you do, the more you can do.” And I’d like to add to that, “Because your enthusiasm comes from doing.”




What are the Steps to Shifting from a Taker to a Giver?

In a recent coaching session, my client said “My database is dying and I must add more new people to it so that I can nurture and build relationships with”.  My first thought was, “Wow that’s a wonderful challenge, and clearly a great project to attack with passion and purpose.”  I asked her “What appears to be the thing that you’re most afraid of doing to replenish your database daily?” She didn’t have to think long and responded, “Simply engaging with strangers that are not prospects.”  I asked her to say more about that, and she said, “I do a great job at open houses or lead-generation conversations, but the opportunity I seem to miss out on is in every day casual conversations when I’m doing things like shopping, getting coffee, going to my daughter’s soccer game, or just meeting people in social situations.”  So I asked, “What’s important about engaging more with strangers during these activities to you?” She was very insightful and said “When I reflect on where my best clients in the past have always come from, was when I met people in social situations where they initiated the conversations.” So I asked, “Do you like it when you’re out and about and people initiate the conversation?”  She said, “Yes, I really love that.” So I said, “So you like to receive engagement, but your challenge is giving engagement. You take it but you don’t give it.” Her response was a painful sigh. “I don’t like the sound of that.” She said, “But it’s true, I’m a taker of engagement, not a giver of engagement.”


Now whenever we want to make a permanent change in behavior, it’s really essential to make that change at the identity level. before we six skills techniques and strategies.  For example, when I needed to shift an identity from seeing myself as a CrossFit athlete, to actually seeing myself as a CrossFit games athlete, then I was able to start to train like a games athlete when I changed my identity first.


So back to my coaching.  I asked her “What would you do if you were not afraid of being a giver of engagement?” She said “First, I really don’t like the thought of being a taker; it sounds selfish and very limiting, and if I wasn’t afraid of engaging, I would simply focus on giving people the experience I like to receive, and I would do things like smile, and say hello to people, and ask them if they live locally, and simply be more interested in their lives.”  I thought, “What a wonderful shift that she has made in less than five minutes, from a taker to a giver, the kind of shift that will result in adding new people to her database that she can nurture and build relationships with.” Then I said, “Do you want to explore a few different techniques and strategies that you can practice with your new giver mindset?” Excited, she said “Yes, I’d love to!” So I said, “Here’s a few thoughts when you’re in a situation, like getting coffee, first look around at the people who surround you and know they are just like you, they have fears, just like you.  What you’re going to do is be the person who initiates, and pick one person, and say to yourself, ‘5-4-3-2-1.. ENGAGE’. Don’t let your mind get in the way. If you wait more than five seconds, the mind will take over and find all sorts of excuses not to. Take action, then open your mouth and say whatever comes to mind first. I have said things like ‘Your shoes are really cool, where’d you get them?’ I’ve said things like ‘I come here often, and I’ve never seen you here, do you live locally? I’ve said things like ‘You look like a really happy person that I would love to meet, my name’s Joe’.”

Now that sounds so simple, but they were real and authentic in the moment. See the secret is, don’t be scripted, let your innate wisdom do the work for you.  You’re giving the gift of engagement, but here are just a few simple rules


1.  Be more interested in them than trying to get them interested in you.


2.  Acknowledge, don’t complement.  Acknowledgement is “Your hat fits your head perfectly.”  A compliment is, “I like your hat.” A complement is about what you like, acknowledgment is about their choice.


3.  If they ask you what you do, hold off on saying that you are a Real Estate Agent or Mortgage Consultant right away.  You might say things like “Well what do I do..most recently I helped a young couple who is living in a cramped, two-bedroom apartment with two kids and the third one on the way.  I helped them move into a beautiful three-bedroom home just a few miles from here. That’s what I do, I make dreams come true. I’m a local Real Estate Agent. What do you do?” Be more interested in them, than trying to get them interested in you.  You may say something like this when they ask what you do. “I do a lot of things, but one of the things I do is I find great products, and great services, and great experiences, and then I recommend them to my clients. Every week I do my best to find 3 to 5 different businesses like restaurants, chiropractors and other professionals of all kinds that I can introduce to them and I do that because my clients are always referring me to people they care about when they need to buy or sell their house.  I’m a local Real Estate Agent who loves to recommend great experiences to my clients.”


This is not a training.  I’m not trying to train you in this blog.  I’m giving you a few tips and techniques on engaging.  We do lots of that training in my Daily Inspired Actions email.  If you want more, I’ll teach you every day different ways you can learn, different ways to offer things to people that will allow you to add them to your database so you can nurture and build relationships with them.  


The first thing to do is make the shift to a giver of engagement, not a taker of engagement.  Have an amazing and fascinating day.



Business Would Be Easy, If it Wasn’t for the People

During a recent coaching session my client said, “I could get this deal closed if my client wasn't so fearful of making a mistake, what they should do is just take my advice".


I thought to myself, “Yes, business would be easy if it wasn’t for the people.”  I asked him, I’m wondering if you can see your part in how fearful they seem to be?”

He said, “What do you mean?”


Experience shows that we tap into our authentic power when we are willing to take full responsibility for everything.  


When it comes to taking responsibility, I either have it or I don’t.  There’s no in between. Everything that is happening in my life right now, I’m 100% responsible for.


When we want to create authentic power, which means coming from a true authority in our lives and our business, we tap into a new level of responsibility.  


What I love to do when I get advice is ask myself “Is what I am receiving really worth remembering?”  


If somebody criticizes me, or gives me feedback and it doesn’t resonate, I know it’s really not worth remembering.  


However, if somebody says something and I feel it resonating in my gut,  there’s probably some truth to it, and I have to take responsibility for it.  


Sometimes my awareness is not developed enough to understand why it’s happening.  All that really counts is my willingness to take responsibility for everything.


That’s how you are going to find your most authentic power, because you’re willing to take responsibility for everything.  


Then I asked him, “How do you know they are fearful of making a mistake?”


He chuckled and said, “The truth is, I’m fearful that I may lose them if they don’t get this next offer - it’s my fear that I’m projecting onto them.”


Bravo, taking responsibility for the fear you’re feeling, not the fear others are feeling. That is authentic power.


So I asked him, “What are you going to do about this fear you’re having?”


He said, “Nothing, I’m just going to ignore it and focus on helping them make their dream come true.”


I said, “That’s great advise; it resonates as true for me.”


He laughed and said, “Thanks for the coaching."


Coaching joe jounral

How He Hides The Truth When He Say's, "80% of My Business Comes From Referral"

What we measure is what we get.  Measuring brings awareness and gives us direction,  and the key performance measurement that is really essential is your Return on Relationships.
We created this measurement because when we ask a person what percentage of their business comes from referrals, the answer tells us very little.  
For example, I asked a real estate agent who was considering joining By Referral Only what percentage of his business was referral?
He said, “80% of my business comes from referrals and repeat clients”
I asked, “How many transactions did you close in the last 12 months?”
He said “6”.
In a marketplace where the sales price is under two hundred and fifty thousand dollars, I thought no wonder he’s proud of that “80%” number, it hides the truth that he had only helped six people.
Then I asked, “Out of all the people in your database that you’re actually in a relationship with, how many of those people repeated or referred to you?”  
Now that took some time to calculate and because it wasn’t at the top of consciousness.  
He came back to me and said: “I have 100 people that are in my CRM, and four out of the total six were people who were referred to or repeated with me”.  
This is a deeper truth.
Your ROR, the Return on Relationship is 4%.  
Then I asked, “Can you imagine that number being somewhere around 20%?”
Which is the Gold Standard for By Referral Only?
He said, “I’d love to do that, how do I do that?”
My answer was, “Don’t ask how, but ask who can help you do that.”
He was puzzled, and I said “That’s what we do for you...we are your who.  We install the 7 Essentials and do the training to help you get your ROR up to 20%.  
We are your who that can help you take your number to 20%.”  
He got excited, and he signed up.
You see, one of the most exciting and relevant numbers in your business is Return on Relationship.  
Count the number of people you’re in a relationship with.  People who know you, people who like you, people who trust you, people who you know their names just by looking at their Facebook picture, or someone you might run into in a grocery store and you know their name.
You know something about them, maybe a little bit about their kids, their job, where they live, maybe something about their dreams and aspirations, and when you see people they are happy to see you, and you’re happy to see them.  
How many of those people are in your database?  
Now we all know that the magic number is 150.  Of course, you could have more, but most research says that the optimum number of people that you could actually have relationships with is about 150.  
Now from just that group of people, how many of those people referred or repeated with you in the last 12 months?
Now take that number that you have, the number of referrals and repeat transactions that you did and figure out what percentage of them are referring or repeating with you.  
So for example, there are 73 people in your database, and you did 12 transactions from those 73.  You have a return on the relationship of 13%.  

Right now take a few minutes and figure out your ROR for the last 12 months, then ask am I ready to take it to 20% or higher, if the answer is yes - click here.  


How We Grew My Instagram Following 400% In 121 Days!

Whenever I begin a new project, I've trained myself to look deeply at my motives.

The reason I do this is I love new projects.

I love to start new things, but I also lose interest over time when the juice of “new” disappears.

Because I know this about myself, I've learned to examine my motives before starting. If they are pure and I can see lifetime value in doing it, I go to work to find a person who will run the project forever after I get it started.

Instagram is a perfect example.

I discovered Instagram in August of 2014. I got excited, because it was a shiny new social media tool. I love shiny new objects, don’t you?

I posted a video of Mark Divine, the founder of SealFit.

At the time I was giving Mark and his team a lot of direction and guidance on how to build an online business.

The video only got four views in a month. I lost interest quickly because I could see the amount of focused energy it would take to build an Instagram following.

Then two years later, I got excited again when I began my journey to train for the CrossFit games in August 2016.

In the next year I posted 63 videos of my workouts.

By this time I had 180 followers. I qualified for the games and I stopped posting workout videos.

For the next six months, I would randomly post pictures of business stuff and family activities

By January 2018, I had 205 followers.

Then one day my amazing daughter said to me, “Dad you can deadlift a Ramada Inn, but you don't have a clue how to use Instagram you should hire me to run your Instagram account?”

That was an offer I couldn't refuse.

Fast forward 6 months…. under Traci's guidance,  we've posted 129 #DailyJoe messages and videos, and have gone from 205 followers to 830 today, and have over 5000 views of my videos.

What's the learning?

For me is, if I start a social media project, it means constant predictably solid and meaningful content posted daily.

And for me, the only way that will happen is, someone else must manage not only the platform, but manage me to get content done daily.

Today I love creating the #DailyJoe, because all I do is text my daughter my thoughts, she organizes them, writes the messages and posts them.

I am the how and she is the who.

I love to see the growth of our following from 200 to 830.  That's what inspires me.

The combination of great daily content, plus a team to implement and make reoccur is what makes all projects successful.




Who Has Iceberg Confidence?

Imagine this. The foundation upon which we create our lives can be compared to the shape of an iceberg.

Imagine an iceberg that is drifting across the ocean.

The portion of the iceberg that is above the surface is maybe 15% to 20% of the total iceberg.

Then 80% to 85% to 90% of it is below the surface. Although the part that is visible may look very tiny, the part below the surface is spectacularly huge.

The larger portion beneath the surface is what gives stability to what is above the surface.

As we choose to create great things in our lives, it might be worthwhile emulating the iceberg.

As we create what we want, what can we learn from the shape of an iceberg?

On your notepad or in your journal, if you could just doodle out an iceberg.

Could you learn about stability?  Could you learn about persistence and predictability and consistency?

Instead of the whole form of the iceberg being exposed above the surface of the ocean, the biggest portion, the largest section, lies deep beneath the water.

The iceberg displaces the water, then generates an upward buoyancy that forces the iceberg to float. Now, is it possible – just imagine – is it possible that this may be a model for productivity?

Every single person has a surface self; that’s what others see.
Then we have an inner self that is not visible to other people.

Consider this.

When your inner self is larger than your surface self, you seem to possess a core confidence.

Experience shows that people with core confidence have profound inner depth; a radiant, powerful, refined light – a Martin Luther King light.

Profound depth.

Confidence is dependent on the extent of a person’s foundation.

The part that remains deep, deep below the surface.

What I’ve learned from this natural wonder of an iceberg is my sense of stability, predictability, consistency gives ways to confidence.

Think of a person that you know who is a master; a person who radiates a light of core confidence.

Think of the person that is closest to you that you admire most, that when you think of core depth, core confidence, rock-solid, deep core confidence, who comes to mind first?

I’m talking about the kind of confidence that no matter what kind of trouble they’re confronted with, they have the depth to deal with it and always stay afloat.

  Iceberg image

Focus On What You Want, Not On What You Don’t Want

I wonder if you counted the number of times per day you said the words, no, don't and not - what the number would be? One way to do that is to simply raise your awareness to how many times during the day you use words that focus on what you don’t want, while you think you’re focusing on what you do want.

To focus on what you want, find words that focus on what you want rather than on what you don’t want...

Three words that slip into our consciousness and cause us to attract what we don’t want are: Don’t. Not. No.

Don’t think about Bitcoin.

I know you just did.

Your unconscious and conscious mind automatically take out the words “don’t,” “not” and “no.” When you use these words, you are actually internalizing in your mind the exact thing you are being told not to do.

Do not think about making less money next year than you did this year. Even though the instructions were to not do something, your unconscious mind and conscious cut out that part of the instructions.

There are all kinds of common statements we make that point us in the direction of what we don’t want. Notice during the day how many times we hear or tell ourselves:

Don’t be late.
Don’t rush.
Don’t forget.

Don’t litter.
Don’t worry.
I’m not blaming you.
I’m not interested.
Don’t be fooled.
I don’t want them to cancel.
I don’t like them.
I don’t like that house.
I don’t like that appraiser.
I don’t want any more grief.
I don’t like the market conditions.

When you hear yourself make a statement containing the words “don’t,” “not” and “no” you are actually giving an energy to what you don’t want.

Here is an effective, easy tool to focus your thoughts on what you do want. When you practice this daily in all your writing and conversations, you will reduce and eliminate the words “don’t,” “not” and “no” from your mind.

Each time you hear yourself saying “don’t,” “not” and “no”, STOP and say to yourself: So, what do I want?

Each time you talk about what you don’t want, that moment you are giving it your attention and energy. When you ask yourself, “What DO I want?” the answer will create a new sentence with new words.

When your words change, your vibration changes and the best of all, you only send out one vibration at a time.

Napoleon Hill, author of Think and Grow Rich said, “Positive or negative emotions cannot occupy the mind at the same time.” One or the other must dominate.

It is your responsibility to make sure that the positive emotion dominates your mind.

Try this: I’ll say a statement containing “don’t,” “not” or “no.” Respond to the statement by asking yourself what you do want and writing the answer down.

Don’t be late. I want to be on time.
Don’t rush. I carefully and consciously move.
Don’t forget. I want to remember.
Don’t litter. I want to put it in the trash can.
Don’t worry. I want to feel good about this situation.
I’m not blaming you. I want to accept my part.
I’m not interested. I want to focus on something else.

Don’t be fooled. I want to remain aware.
I don’t want them to cancel. I want to continue to help.

I don’t like them. I want to invest my energy elsewhere.

I don’t like that house. I want a house with ____.
I don’t like that appraiser. I want to work with (name).
I don’t want any more grief. I want joy.
I don’t like the market conditions. I want to adapt.

Notice how much progress you can experience by only focusing on what you want and finding words that only help what you want. Have fun with it!

Give Those Closest to You Permission to Tell You When They Notice You Using “Don’t,” “Not” and “No”.

You will accelerate the improvement of your ability to create Focused Thought on what you want when you invite the support of the people closest to you to help you break the unconscious habit of focusing your energy on what you don’t want.

You might say to a loved one, “I’m we talk would you be comfortable telling me when you notice me using ‘don’t,’ ‘not’ and ‘no?’ ...because I am working on mastering my ability to use words that fully focus on what I want. I’ll give you permission to tell me every time you hear me using them.”

This can be a great game to play with your kids.


No don't not 1

Happy Fathers Day

Happy Fathers Day

I found this Father's Day poem and it reminded me of the true value of being a parent.

On the day I was born I met you, Dad.

Over the first few years, I learned,
you were strong and always there.

As I grew a few years older,
I could remember you leaving home.
I'd say, “Daddy where are you going?”
“I have to go to work.” you'd respond.

I was very sad. I didn’t understand.

You would “go to work,” almost every day.
You were almost always gone.

I didn’t understand.

I can still hear you saying,
"I have to go to work - I love you."
and perhaps silently hoping...
"maybe one day you’ll understand."

You worked hard.
We always had enough.
I couldn’t understand.

As I grew even older,
you provided experiences and opportunities.

From being on teams to going to camps,
I made new friends and learned a lot.
I repeatedly changed my mind, but I always excelled.

I’m grown now.
I work hard - like you did.
I have children of my own.
I spend more time with them
- because of you, I can.

Thanks, Dad, now I understand.



Rules Are The On-Ramp For Creating Great Habits


Rules are a way of providing a mindless way to initiate your behavior.

It makes starting a habit easier, and which means following through on a consistent basis easier if you just have a simple set of rules.

For example, I have a bedtime rule. I call the rule 8,4,2,1.
8 hours before I go to bed: no caffeine.
4 hours before I go to bed: no food.
2 hours before I go to bed: no work.
1 hour before I go to bed: no screens.

When I follow this rule: 8,4,2,1, I always get 90% sleep quality on my Sleep Cycle app.

For my morning ritual, my rule is 5,4,3,2,1... out of bed. That means as soon as the alarm goes off, my first thought is 5,4,3,2,1 out of bed, and the rule is ‘no snooze’.

Then my next rule is in my meditation chair with my Headspace app started by 5 AM.

That’s the rule, and 30 minutes later, write from 5:30 AM to 8:30am every morning.

My routine is to write and do my work in my journal long-hand from 5:30AM to 8:30AM, and then take a picture of what I’ve written, read it out loud and record it, then I send it to my assistant, and that gets done by 8 AM every morning.

The last thing I do in the morning as my ritual is make my list of the 6 most important things to do for the day, then I take a picture of it and I send it to my assistant and this is done every day by 8:30 AM.. that’s the rule.

I also have a personal training partner who comes to my home every Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday at 11am.
The rule is that he texts me at 10:30AM Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday and says “I’m on my way”, which triggers me to stop doing everything I’m doing, put on my workout clothes, and the ritual begins.

I’m also a habitual 3 times per day complete communicator, so every morning I automatically get a text from my assistant with the 3 names of the people who I want to have a complete communication with that day.

After every conversation, I take out my recorder and send a verbal message to my assistant so they can write the note card and get it in the mail that day.

But the ritual begins as soon as I get the text with the 3 names, and that’s the rule, the rule is: text me three names and phone numbers every day.

In other words, getting started with a simple ritual: 3 names and 3 numbers texted to me every morning before 9AM begins the focus on the ritual, and the next step is just a follow up, and that becomes automatic.

The key to any good ritual is to remove the need to make decisions.

When I get on the highway, the California Highway Patrol has already made the decision for me that there’s this rule: you don’t drive over 55 miles per hour, or 75 miles, or whatever the speed limit is.

The rule has been made already, so I don’t have to think about it.

That’s the good thing about rules, they take away the “What do I need to do now?” and “What should I do first, what should I do second?”

Most people never get moving because they haven’t decided what the rules are and without rules, we have no rituals.

Use your rules as an on-ramp for bigger behavior and habits that you really want to build into your life. When you master the ability to mindlessly initiate the tasks that are important you, it’s not necessary to rely on motivation and willpower to make them happen.

Where could you use some rules in your life?

What behaviors do you want to do more consistently and automatically that need a new set of rules?


Rules 2

How to Play Tennis with Your Thoughts

In my meditation, this metaphor came to me: My thoughts are like tennis balls, and each day my bucket is pre-loaded when I wake up, and the bucket has 70,000 balls.

Then when the mind turns on, it starts firing balls. Sometimes very quickly, sometimes very slowly. It all depends on my external circumstances. I've noticed that under pressure they come faster, but the game is a little different when I’m practicing meditation.

In meditation I’m aware that everyday the machine is loaded up with thoughts, and this is a universal law, I have no control over that, that’s the human condition upon waking.

And then the machine turns on. But what I can practice is the speed in which I allow the balls to be served. But here’s the difference between tennis, which is getting better at returning the balls, and meditation, which is to learn to let the balls go by and just witness it.

In tennis you get better at returning, and in meditation you get better at letting them go by.

Here’s the joke: we were born with an innate skill to return our thoughts regardless of the quality of thought.

Sometime I can volley with one quality thought for hours and get lots done, and sometimes I can volley with angry, negative or unproductive thoughts for the same amount of time. Whatever we practice, we get better at, and we are practicing all day long.

Meditation for me is training my mind to recognize that its a thought being served, and that I can choose to play with it, or let it go, always knowing another thought is on the way.

The wisdom is the better I get at exercising choice, the slower the speed of the balls come. Almost like you can see the seams of the ball coming at you, and you recognize the quality of the thought and you choose to let it go, or you choose to volley with it.

And over time, you get better and better at selecting the thoughts that you're going to bring into your life: Joy, happiness and productivity.

Now after 15 years of practice, I know that the moment I wake up, depending on the quality of my sleep, the thought machine simply begins firing balls. Good sleep = slower, higher-quality thoughts. Bad sleep = faster, lower-quality thoughts.

But the sooner I sit down in my meditation chair and begin practice, in about 30 minutes into that meditation, I’m watching them go by. Sometimes I actually have the experience that the thoughts are so slow, there's actually periods where there’s no thoughts.

Sometimes 10 seconds, sometimes 15 seconds, and often I’m fortunate to get 30 seconds of no thought and that's when I feel the deepest peace; I taste pure joy, I taste bliss.

Then when my practice is over, I can bring that awareness to my day, I can bring that awareness to my work.

And when the machine starts firing balls, I can take a break into my own awareness and realize that they are just thoughts being fired into the net, and I have no control over the thought machine, but meditation trains my mind to choose to play or not. It’s when I realize that my joy comes from having choice.

So today, bring that new awareness into your day, and maybe today will be your first day of tennis thought practice.


Ternise ball joe journal

Waiting for Insight to Arrive

Have you ever noticed that the more “stuff” that you have on your mind, the less likely you are to have that “A-HA!” moment?  The “A-HA!” moment is when an insight or thought rises into your consciousness, and you experience a sensation of deep knowing

An insight is wisdom wrapped in an elegant package of truth.

 So, how do we create the space for wisdom to arise?  First, imagine we all have access to infinite intelligence. What makes us different is our desire, our willingness, our awareness of how accessible our access is!

 So, I love the thought: The answer to any challenge, or the perfect, precise suggestion of direction is always available; all I need to do is create the space for the wisdom to arrive.

I imagine wisdom/insight are vistors who are on their way to my consciousness.  What I am doing in preparation for their visit is tidying up my mind or brain by settling down, finding stillness, breathing deeply and letting and experiencing a deep knowing that insight is on its way.  It’s like a visitor, and I’m just getting ready.  I know it’s on its way, I just don’t know when it’s going to arrive.

 Then I go about my life, and when I least expect it, maybe while I’m driving, or in the shower or walking, insight arrives.  A beautiful solution/ an elegant answer/ a simple thought wrapped in profound truth, ready for my action.

 My role in creating insight is to simply make the space for its arrival by having less on my mind, so insight can make its way in! 

Ah ah moments

Why would you ever want to take the time to be a mentor?

First, what is a mentor?

A mentor is a person who has a mindset and a set of skills that you would like to model and is willing to patiently guide, lead, and teach you.

Four years ago, I made one of the best decisions of my life when I chose 12 people from my large community of agents, and invited them into a mentor relationship with me.

I call this amazing and fascinating group of people my Inner Circle.

For four years now, we have met every two weeks for one hour as a group on a conference call, and once every quarter as a group in San Diego.

What has occurred over that time is beyond my wildest imagination.

Not only have they become very close personal friends, but they have become advisors to my business and sounding boards for all the ideas and insights that I have.

My company, By Referral Only, creates tools, training, coaching and accountability programs for our membership  worldwide.

Everything that I create, I first get to test out with my Inner Circle. They willingly test all of my marketing campaigns, my systems, my tools and technologies.

Then they give me untethered, honest, real-world feedback after they test it in the field with their business.

The benefits to my community are obvious, but what’s not so obvious is the huge value that I get from these amazing Mentees.

First, they force me to grow, to create, to think deeply about what is practical, doable and productive. They give me instant feedback so I don’t waste time on any wild ideas I get.

They take risks doing things that have never been tested. They do things way outside their comfort zone.

They ask questions that cause me to think deeply about people’s capacity to change and adjust.


 Thank you, Inner Circle, for the past 4 years, and I so look forward to the next 25 years- you are now MY Mentors!



The Inner Circle

Inner circle

Michell Edgington- Homestead 360 Real Estate

Jae Wu- Hyler Realty

Beth Rebenstorf - Realty One Group

Colleen Olson- Arizona Best Real Estate

Terry Moerler- The Moerler Team

Cecil & Charlotte Volsch- The Volsch Team

Todd Welsh- Salina Homes

Jesse Ibanez- The Greenhouse Group

Aaron Drussel- Better Homes and Gardens Real Estate

Bryan Hurd- Utah Real Estate

Larry Siebert- The Siebert Team

Scott Asbell- Mountain West Mortgage



What Is More Important, The Goal You Want To Achieve, Or The Process of Achieving The Goal?


Probably equally important, but maybe a better question is which of the two, the goal or the process is where you should place your focus?

Let's say your goal is to build a tribe of 150 people and each one of them refers one person every three years to you.

That means you create 50 referrals per year from your tribe of 150 people.

Goal: During the next 12 months I create 50 new referred clients directly from my tribe of 150 people.

The process is the specific daily actions you take to create a habit of behavior that leads to the achievement of that goal.

For example: In 2017, my goal was to qualify for the CrossFit Games.

Process: Train 5x per week with my coach following the Comp Train program.

What I’ve discovered in my quest to achieve my goal, is that I set the goal, then forget it- and put all my focus on the process.

For example, my goal is to have 1,000 daily loyal readers of Joe’s Journal.

The process: 5x per week, between the hours of 5am and 7am write an article for Joe’s Journal.

The process is the habit that must become a routine woven into the fabric of my life.

It’s rather easy to set a goal. 

Most of the time when I fail to achieve a goal, it’s because I’m more excited about the goal than I am about the process. 

The process is the work.  It’s the blue collar consistent day in and day out work.

For me to achieve a goal, I must fall in love with the process.

Actually, the outcome, like 1,000 daily loyal Joe Journal readers, or qualify for the CrossFit games, or creating 50 referrals from my top 150, is out of my control, but what is in my control is my process.

So, back to the process of 50 referrals from your top 150.

What is the process of creating 50 referrals from your top 150?

Well of course you must have 150 people in your life that know you like you and trust you.

I’ve written volumes on that subject of “Your Top 150” over the last 25 years.


Then each day play “The Referral Ignite Game”

It’s simple fun and SUPER effective.


-Write Referral Note Cards

-Plant Referral Seed

-Ask for Referrals

-Give Referrals


Keep Score Daily

You get 1 point of a Referral Note Card

You get 2 points for Planting a Referral Seed

You get 3 points For Asking for a Referral

You get 4 points for Giving A Referral

When you fall in love with the process of Notes, Planting, Asking and Giving you get better and better at performing the process and the result is you keep scoring more and more points.

Note to All by Referral Only Members:

On July 15th at 9am during the Community Remodel Day I will give you a complete training and a workbook book with the exact…

The 10 Scripts for your Referral Note Cards

The 10 Scripts for Planting Referral Seeds

The 1 and only way, you Ask for A Referral

The 30 Products, Services, Experience’s and People You Refer.


You’ll love the game…Referral Ignite.

Whatever you practice you get better at and you're practicing something every day.

When I train 5x per week for CrossFit, I get so good at the movements, that after 5 years of being committed to the process, I qualified for the 2017 CrossFit Games.

Now, I’m committed to writing for 2 hours every morning 5x per week for Joe’s Journal, my message will get so good that 1,000 dedicated readers find their way to me daily.

Now when you commit to becoming the best in the world at Writing Referral Note Cards, Planting Referral Seeds, Asking for Referrals and Giving Referrals you achieve your goal.

And just like becoming the best in the world at CrossFit or writing, it’s a process that you must be committed to.

So, if you’re ready to make a commitment to creating a tribe of 150 people who refer 50 people per year to you, then I know the exact process, and I can coach you in the process. 

Just click here and let’s get started.

Diamond Lane Referral Signifigance

How To “Gamify” Your Day

Over the years agents and lenders have shared with me how tough it is to have a consistent predictable schedule that produces their best effort.


They have all said in one way or another that they would love to crack the code on time management.


Well, I started experimenting with my “Game Day” method of approaching each day 14 months ago. I tested it out with a few great clients, and what they report is more consistency and predictability in their schedule so they can now maximize their production.


Now I wanted to give it to you. With my guidance you can now crack the code.


I love the thought of approaching each day as “Game Day”.


I like to divide my “Game Day” into four quarters, like a basketball game.
If you prefer, you can divide yours into 3 periods, like Hockey, or 2 halves, like Soccer. It’s your choice.


Let me share with you my ideal “Game Day Plan”


The first piece of context is understanding that there are four types of time.


1.  High Lifetime-Value Time. These are activities that have a result that pays off forever. Like writing a book, installing your 7 Essentials System, doing a client event, and complete communications with your tribe members.


2.  High Dollar-Per-Hour Time. These are activities that pay you the highest immediate financial results. For me, it’s building marketing funnels and working with high-end coaching clients. It can also be things like listing appointments, showing homes, and handling complex problems during the transaction.


3.  Low Dollar-Per-Hour Activities. These are activities that are necessary in order to create the environment to produce High Lifetime and High Dollar results. For me most if not all of these things are delegated to my team. Things like management of the business, dealing with new technologies and taking care of the money. For you, it may be doing the paperwork on new listings, taking pictures, putting up signs and things like that.


4.  No Dollar Activities. These are activities that create no money but are needed to create the space to do everything else at optimum performance. Things like my morning ritual, evening ritual, fitness training and sleep.


With that context I can now create my balanced “Game Day Plan”. Here are my 4 Quarters, each with it’s own primary focus.


Quarter #1 Highly Leveraged Content Creation


“My Game Day” starts at 4:30am and the first quarter is over at 11:00am.


First and most importantly, I love the fact that I have a well-honed, deeply ingrained Smart-Start Morning Ritual. The first 60 minutes of every day, I get myself in the best emotional, mental and spiritual condition to attack the day.


You can learn all about how to create yours from my best selling book Power Productivity.


After my Smart Start Morning Ritual, I invest 2 1/2 hours to writing and recording Joe’s Journal. What you’re reading now.


This is my flagship communication to both my current clients and my future clients.


Joe’s Journal is where I create content and clarify my thinking. The content is repurposed through several different social media platforms. The content gets integrated into all my coaching calls, and then I take juicy chunks and edit it to fit neatly into my emails. (If you're not subscribed, this would be a great tool for your business.)


I also take bits to create my #DailyJoe message that appears on Instagram and my Video Blog, Referral Moments and my Morning Joe Podcast. (Coming Soon)


I love that the first 90 minutes of each day that I invest into writing Joe’s Journal is leveraged across multiple platforms where tens of thousand of people world-wide enjoy my messages daily.


My multi-platform strategy introduces new people to my teachings and builds deeper, more meaningful relationships with my loyal readers.


After writing the blog, I record it on Garage Band and upload it to my Podcast - Joe's Morning Message. You can also have this message sent directly to you by text. You’ll get your Morning Joe every day at 6am.


It’s now 8am.


For the the next 3 hours I conduct Fast Pass Coaching and Accountability Sessions or lead Community Training Programs. This is where I deliver all of my fresh thinking to my amazing clients.


Because all of my coaching calls, training classes and live trainings are recorded and transcribed, I’m able to have these turned into content for my blog and training programs for my Coaching Academy.


In October of 2018, I start the Joe Stumpf Coaching Academy. I have committed myself to twelve people who I will teach the coaching skills and processes to build a high six-figure coaching business. This makes all this activity Life Time Value Activity because I do something once and it makes money forever. (If you have a desire to be a coach you may want to send me an email and I tell you more about the Coaching Academy.)


It’s now 11am and the first quarter is over.


Quarter #2 Fitness, Fueling, Napping and Money-Making


At 11am my world-class Fitness Coach arrives at my home. His name is Drew Zarnoch.


Drew and I train hard for 90 minutes. We do hardcore SealFit Workouts. If you want to see what we do, go to my Facebook page called Joe’s Workouts On Mondays, Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays, I post video clips of our intense sessions. If you are into training hard, you’ll find great value following what we’re up to.


As soon as the training is over, I fuel my body. I subscribe to a meal service called This service was referred to me by my Nutritionist, Andy Mayhew.


Andy is an amazing resource that keeps me on the leading-edge of high performance eating.


It’s now 1:00pm and it’s time for a nap.

Napping is my secret to getting two days in one. You can read all about the amazing benefits of napping in my Power Productivity book.


It’s now 1:30pm and now it’s time to make money.


I meet with my marketing team and we review all our email marketing funnels and Facebook marketing campaigns. Because I have the best marketing minds in the world on my team, my involvement is mostly writing headline copy and advising on what offers we can test. I only need to invest 30 minutes doing this and the outcome is millions of dollars in revenue. I love my business.


It’s now 2:00pm and I’m ready to coach my private clients.


We have 100 agents and lenders who are part of my advanced coaching called Brovance. I meet with each one of them for 30 minutes, 3 times per year on the phone for one-on-one coaching. We also meet every 90 days in San Diego for a full day of masterminding and cutting-edge insight.


You can check it out at


My one-on-one time is my favorite time of the day because I get to connect with reality. Because all of my clients are very high performing people, most of the coaching is about taking their business to the next level, which is my favorite conversation.


Of course I record all these sessions (with their permission) and I transcribe them, edit them, and use them as part of my Coaching Academy training program. I’ve discovered that the best way to coach coaches is with real-life modeling.


When I’m in the role of Coach, what my clients need more than my advice is my presence and mental models.


Because it's in my nature as a coach to want to help, I often find myself listening to advise. What I've noticed is when I'm listening this way, my listening gets infected and my presence disappears.


Presence can best be defined as a state of being fully aware that your client has within them all of the resources they need in that moment to create clarity for themselves.


What my role really as a Coach is, is to create the space for them to find clarity on what to do next. If you listen to any of my coaching sessions, than you will hear me asks dozens of clarifying questions within a 30 minute period. To ask brilliant questions, I must listen without any agenda. I have to let go of giving them my advice, and allow them to arrive at their best next step.


Because I have done over 10,000 one-on-one coaching sessions over the last 30 years, I’ve developed this skill at the mastery level. This is what I teach in my Coaching Academy.


Quarter #3 Get Fresh Thinking


It’s now 4:00pm and it’s time to go to school.


Because my life purpose is to learn, integrate then teach, it’s essential that I invest 3 hours per day reading, listening to podcasts, and taking on line training programs.


I have a personal library of over 1,700 books, and over 1,000 audio books.


I love to read and listen to books.


I believe this is my unique ability: to learn new things, combine them with what I already know, and then create unique models for making money, living fuller, more enjoyable lives and contributing more to the world.


Stay tuned to Joe’s Journal. I’ll be sharing all my best books and podcasts in the future.


Quarter #4 Lite Meal, Family, Friends and Bedtime Wind-Down


It’s now 7pm and for the next 90 minutes, I connect with people I love and who love me.


Sometimes we watch a movie or take a walk or have a lite meal. Sometimes I get on the phone and connect with close friends and my daughters Olivia and Traci.


This time has is High Lifetime Value.

It keeps me connected and grounded and humbled.


It’s now 8:30pm.


All technology goes off. It’s time to quiet the mind. It takes me 30 minutes of meditation using the Head Space app to still my mind. Then I prepare for sleep, set my Sleep Cycle app and in bed at 9pm.


Sleep is where my body and mind heal.
Sleep is what gives my edge.
Sleep is my favorite part of the day.


This is “Game Day”.


I’m not perfect. I have an 80% success rate following my plan.

But shit happens and I get pulled off my Game Plan.


However, I’ve discovered that absent of a clear “Game Day Plan”, my days get away from me.

I have been playing this game now for 14 months, and it took me 30 years to figure out.


So as you create your “Game Day”, be patient.


It’s progress, not perfection.


Would you please share this post with a friend or two?


Thank you.



Six Super Habits That Make You The Most Money

It’s week five of our new Fast Pass Accountability and Coaching Experience. I’m currently working with five groups of five people once a week for one hour. We are working on integrating six different daily routines into the fabric of life.


Habit One: Bedtime Wind Down Routine. This is the last 60 minutes of the day. The preparation for a quiet night’s sleep


Habit Two: Smart Start Morning Ritual. This is the first 60 minutes of the day. The preparation of the mind, body, emotions and spirit for the day.


Habit Three: Daily Self Care Routine. This is discovering the one or two specific routines that occur during the day that nurture your body, mind and spirit that allow you to stay fully engaged throughout the day.


Habit Four: The six most important things to do today. This is the ritual of clearly identifying what gets your attention throughout the day


Habit Five: 1-3 Complete Communications with people in your tribe. This is the routine that makes you money. A complete communication is:


1.  A meaningful conversation
2. Followed up with a text message
3. Followed up with a handwritten note card


Habit Six: Engaging with a stranger. This is the ritual of being open to meet one or two new people a day, that you may or may not add to your database.


What I love about these six super habits is they are the foundation not only for a significant life but also for a successful business.


The first four habits are the preparation for performing at your very best with the last two habits.


When you get a great night sleep, followed with an amazing morning routine, a conscious plan to be vigilant with your self care during the day, prioritizing your day by focusing on most important, you bring your very best self in your communications with the people in your tribe and open to connecting with new people who eventually add to your tribe.


In our Fast Pass Experience, each person commits to making one small improvement in each habit each week.


They record their commitment in their Fast Pass Journal, then publicly report it to their group and me, (their coach).


It’s my responsibility during each one-hour session to help each person clarify their commitment and give them guidance on the most effective way to execute their plan.


My responsibility is also to provide “fresh thinking” because fresh thinking always proceeds change in behavior.


After each person has publicly declared their commitment for the day, they each post in writing for all of their buddies to witness on our live forum.


Each morning at 6am they receive a 4-6 minute audio message from me called Morning Joe.


I provide them with insight , inspiration and guidance that keeps them tethered to their weekly commitment.


We use 3 tools to facilitate this experience.


1.  Weekly Accountability Tracker and a place to record their insights from their Morning Joe


2.  60 3x5 cards called the six most important things to do today. Each day they are required to post a picture of their card. This is a key part of growth. Reporting what they consider most important. It’s also a great way for me, their coach, to see exactly what they are investing their time and energy into


3.  A weekly “Seinfeld Scoreboard”. Each day they keep their commitment, they earn a red “X”. The visual scoreboard reminds them on building “unbroken” chains. It’s the strategy that the famous Jerry Seinfeld uses daily: His secret to success is writing one new joke per day. He then puts an “X” on the calendar


These three accountability tools allow us to apply Pearson’s Law: The law states: Whatever you measure grows. Whatever you measure, record and report grows exponentially.


Experience shows that when you apply Pearson’s Law, combined with world-class coaching and a small group of highly committed teammates, all striving to accomplish mastery on the identical habits, you increase the likelihood of success by 10X.


How do I know that?


I am witnessing and experiencing it right now in real time. In the first five weeks, not only have we experienced 100% attendance on all four sessions, but when I asked the ultimate question, “On a scale from 1-10, how likely are you to refer the Six Significant Habits experience to a colleague?


All 25 of them scored it a 10. (Actually two people gave it 11).


Now, I’ve been coaching and guiding agents and lenders for over 30 years.


I can honestly say I’ve never witnessed such significant progress in changing people’s habits as I have in the past five weeks using this amazing systematic approach.


I am so certain of this methodology that I’ve created two new programs.


1.  The Fast Pass Coaching and Accountability for the 7+ Essentials 

2.  The Fast Pass Coaching and Accountability Referral Ignite Experience


These two new programs are the foundation for making much more money. The future is brighter than ever before at By Referral Only.


If you’re a current member of By Referral Only, go to the website and take a closer look at the three programs. If you’re an agent or lender, take some time and set up a strategy session with one of our great coaches and explore the opportunity to take your life and business to the next level.



The Third Chair Choice

Imagine for a moment you and I have 3 choices how we want to engage with life at any given moment.

First, in my model below you’ll see my illustration of a movie projector casting an image onto a screen. As you look at it, you can probably see it now.

It’s plugged into an energy source.

Now we all have a similar energy source, so whatever that source is, we are plugged into it. The projector is Thought.

It’s one of the things that makes us human is we all have thought.

What makes each of us unique is what we are thinking.

My thinking is different than yours, but I’m still using thought. When thinking thoughts, we are projecting life as we are experiencing it now.

This is our reality, and what we put onto the screen. The job of consciousness is to make every thought real.

And when we project our consciousness out into the world, I call that Chair #1.

This is the chair of emotional thought. From here we feel our thinking. We feel our emotions and there are basically four categories of emotions: Joy,(which inside is calm peace and tranquility) Anger,(disappointment, rage..) Sadness (depression, illusion) and then Fear (Anxiety, Hesitation, Delay).

From Chair #1, we are fully associated with each thought feelings. We are just feeling life. That is the amazing experience of being human: fully feeling and being directed by the endless stream of thinking,that's what being human is, is our thinking is always constantly moving, with emotions attached to every thought, and we are fully being run by our thinking feeling.

Chair #2 is the Observer, when we need, we want or we reach a place in our lives that we know that we can take a break from all of the thinking feeling, and can step back or sit back and simply observe it without engaging in it. I call this meditation. In my meditation process, I step away from the crazy flow of endless thinking feeling, and just observe and enjoy myself from chair 2.

It’s a welcome reprieve, and often takes only 10-15 minutes before my chair 1 mind will actually relinquish to chair 2 mind, and allow the observer mind to sit in neutrally, attached to no thought.

Attached to no feeling, just observing and it's taking a break from my little self, and just observing on the screen as if I’m a person who's bought a ticket to this movie and I’m just watching it on the screen

However there is a 3rd choice, and the 3rd Chair is to lean way back and see it in its entirety.

It’s like standing outside the theater , watching chair #1 and chair #2, fully detached, but fully aware of the beauty and the magnificence of life from each one of those chairs. Chair 3 is not better, it’s just different.

Chair #1 is not better than Chair #2, it’s just different.

Chair 2 is not better than chair #1, it’s just different.

And that’s the beauty of life, it’s living fully engaged in whichever chair we choose to take.

But where life becomes really interesting is knowing that you have a choice.

You have a choice to get into Chair 1, Chair 2, or you can take the 3rd Chair Choice.


Pic of third chair

How to Push Past Anything that Holds You Back by Aaron Drussel

Think about your childhood, and try to remember a time in your life when you first felt fear.
I distinctly remember that moment in my life. I was eight years old. We were living in the suburbs north of Chicago. I was with my grandpa
 on my first trip to the apartment building he owned. The building was three stories tall. Because there was no elevator, we were climbing the open staircase at the back of the building. As we reached the top floor, I looked over the edge to the ground below and was instantly overcome with fear. I quickly turned my head and backed away from the edge where I stayed until my grandpa had finished his work. There were a few other times that I went to that building with my grandpa, but from that day on, I always climbed the last few fights of stairs on my hands and knees.

As I look back at that experience, I can vividly remember how uncomfortable I felt and how frustrating it was when everyone else would easily make the walk all the way up the stairs to the top.

I’ve actually felt that same way inside my real estate business. When I first started my business, it was manageable and close to the ground. As it grew, the opportunities increased and so did my desire to get to the top.
I became more anxious the bigger my business would get. It was a similar feeling of discomfort, as I was out of my comfort zone. I found myself reverting to that pace of my childhood and feeling that familiar fear. When I looked at getting to the next level of my business, my first instinct was to play it safe and get to the next level slowly or on my hands and knees.

I knew there had to be a better way, because I could see others moving up with greater ease.
Eventually, I arrived at a point where I had closed over 80 transactions in one year with the help of an assistant. That year I made the most money I had ever made up to that point in my life. However, I also felt trapped by my phone and my client’s needs. When my phone would ring, even though I knew it was more business, I didn’t want to answer.

I knew I needed to make a big change, but I was worried about disrupting what I had. At the same time, I knew I couldn’t sustain this pace as I would burn out. I needed to face my fears, break old patterns, and act differently.
Three of the major changes I made at that moment still serve me greatly to this day and are mostly responsible for the rich life I live now. I experience enormous ease, while my business has tripled. I have a team of seven now and we and great success in our marketplace here in Utah.

Change #1 – Change of focus
Rather than focusing on what I didn’t want, I focused on what I wanted. The subconscious mind doesn’t understand the word “don’t”.
Coincidently, at this point in my life, I had enrolled in a high-performance driver’s school at a local race track. The instructor asked, “When making a turn, what should you focus on?” Everyone in the class answered that we needed to watch out for the wall. He said, “No. You need to focus on a specific point past the turn. Focus on the point where you want to be when you come out of the turn.” His point was that as our eyes line up on a target, so do our hands, and then everything else lines up in that overall direction. So if we focus on the wall, we will intuitively move in the direction of the wall since that is where we are lined up.
It’s the same issue amateur golfers face. When they swing a club and focus on “not hitting” the water hazard in front of them, they unconsciously line up and hit the ball directly into the water.
This became crystal clear to me during a coaching call with Joe Stumpf. He quickly helped me turn my thought pattern around and focus on what I wanted, not on what I didn’t want. This gave me a kind of clarity and long-term vision. Having a clear long-term vision gave me the place to line up my life and business and, as a result, the next steps all lined up.

Change #2 – Find mentors
Once I knew where I wanted to go, I aligned myself with people who were already there. I surrounded myself with people who could envision a higher version of themselves. I couldn’t spend time with people who were trying to diminish me and hold me back. This included adjusting some close friends and working to establish relationships with people who inspired me to be a better me. I needed to be around big thinkers – people who inspired me to be the highest version of myself.

Change #3 – Determine the “worst case” scenario
When I want to make a big change, the worst thing I do is play out all the angles in my mind. I determine the worst case scenario if things didn’t go as I had planned. Once I understood what that looked like, I go back and say, “Ok, so that’s the worst... could I survive?” The worst fear for me has always been the unknown, so this process allowed me to “know it” in my mind and that gave me peace of mind... enough to make big moves.

I give myself space, take a deep breath, and say, “Now that I know what the worst case is, what is the best case scenario?”

I then ask, “Is it worth it?” I have to come to accept why I am doing what I want to do. Once the why becomes clear, I know that the “how” would show up.
I am then ready to step into the darkness and not worry about the fear of the unknown, loneliness, or failure. I have already systematically attacked them head on mentally, before taking the first steps physically.

It’s similar to the thrill of going up in a roller coaster and knowing that on the other side of the hill, there will be drops, twists, and turns...but we are buckled in and ready for the ride.

Whenever I feel as though I am on a treadmill in my life and I want to get to and make some changes, I go through these same three steps. As I have done that over and over in my life, I am now able to embrace the unknown and feel a sense of peace doing things that others might see as scary or risky.

I hope this experience can give you the strength to push past anything that holds you back as you face the fears in your life.  

Aaron Drussel Better Homes and Gardens Real Estate Influence Partners